awake and sing

Ah yes, the moment we've all been waiting for... end of day one!

I must say it has been rather fascinating and surprising too. Green juice, is well, very green. It tastes not so different from some natural cleansers. Not that I taste those. But if I did, I imagine it would be similar. It seems clean is what I am trying to say.

Bear with me I think I am a bit slap-happy.

Funny how much more time we have when we aren't having to figure out what to eat! It also amazes me how little food we actually do need. I have had what seemed to be hunger pangs about 3 times, and they lasted for about 4 seconds.

I've alternated from being very cold (cold juice not helping this) to very hot, almost fevery.

I've also alternated from being very positive to feeling downright despondent, close to tears. At one point, whilst watching a frisbee game, I was so overwhelmed by how alone I felt, how much I envied one friends beautiful yoga practice, and another's gorgeous legs I actually did shed a few.

After work I was so down I came home and went straight to Prospect Park and walked and thought about how cleansing is really about personal responsibility. Responsibility for all the stuff you have eaten & done to your body, and also for all of the stuff that you are thinking and doing on rote that is keeping you miserable. Because it all comes up with nowhere to hide.

I reminded myself of an ol' story of myself. Back in, well when I was 19 - I had an internship here in NYC with a casting director. She was auditioning understudies for a Broadway musical and asked if I sang as I was the same height and look of one of the actresses.
"Not very well" I replied.

And the point isn't whether I did I didn't or do or don't - but that I undercut myself before even trying. It's safer... it's easier... and I think it is also what keeps me playing at a sub-whereAlexandrawantstobe level in my life. And envious of yoga practices and legs and people playing frisbee with friends. Because I don't think any of these things would matter if I was, well, really living.

I was so relaxed after that walk I though about circling it for the rest of the summer.
Happy Easter Monday my friends. Thank you for reading and for all of your well-wishing.

Alex

P.S. if anyone knows how in the hell it is possible for one's teeth to feel fuzzy when not eating - please let me know.