it takes a village

It's a gorgeous Saturday. Afternoon. I'm still in my pajamas complete with bunny slippers. Yesterday I went to see Carrie Cegelis (, an acupuncturist, massage therapist and basically magical healer. She knows a lot about cleansing and I though it would be smart to see her a few times around this whole thing. She did acupuncture to help my body prepare for cleansing, and also some cranio-sacral massage - which was this awesome energy work that works with the fluids and ancient rhythms of the body so that it can heal. She really is awesome.
The closer I get the more I realize that this is actually some serious shit. (NPI)

In preparation for the cleansing, you have to give up coffee, sugar, alcohol, animal products, milk and start a "bulking diet" which consists of fruit and veg. And I am already starting to crack. You see food is a coping mechanism... even if I am coping with organic dark chocolate, and oatmeal - taking it all away has left me feeling like a raw nerve.

During detox all of the crap loosens off of our intestines, and we go through feeling bad until it moves. This is apparently what cravings actually are - your body's desperate plea to have more of the good stuff so that everything stays in place and we don't feel bad. Craving bread or coffee or meat is therefore the same as craving a cigarette. The only foods that pass through us without adding any toxins are fruits and veg.

My roommate/boyfriend moved out & a great friend moved to Portland yesterday - but the unbearable loneliness I feel is due to something much deeper. I am terrified to find out, but the desire to move past it has surpassed the terror. Or so I am hoping. Where the emotional toxins stored in my gut end and the putrefied food begins, I don't know - and I don't even think it matters. I have a hypothesis that I can't clear out my body physically without also clearing out my mind, energetic body, spirit etc.

Anyway, I have to get out of the house. I will most likely be posting daily for a bit - they won't all be perky I am guessing, but if anyone out there is interested - I'll be here.

Happy Easter Weekend